choose yourself !!

 Taking decisions in life is never easy especially when you are someone who always keep others feelings before yours. When you decide that you do not want to be with someone or you want to leave from a place which was never yours, lots of things come in our minds but since  you are an altruist so you go running back to them so that you never hurt them or leave them and also all those memories it does not let you go. 

But everything has its own limits whether it is love or friendship or any relationship all of them requires efforts from both the sides, support from both sides, desire to be together from both the sides but when it is not from both the sides its as if you are watering a dead plant. The main problem here is that you know everything but you still do that because you do not want to give up and then there comes a time when you realize that its not happening. You realize that it was you who were literally begging them just to be together and being at a place which you are not sure whether actually exists or to be in a situation where you were trying to believe in things which actually never existed, to a relationship which was actually one sided at the end,  so with all of these thoughts, we try to take take our stand, we gather courage to leave that person to feel that pain for once and all rather than feeling that in pieces which was getting worse and worse as the days passed. 

As soon as we stop putting efforts why do then only the other one tries to come back into our lives, why now they have this sudden realization that they were wrong and alongwith them comes all those memories, all those hopes of wanting that relationship to last and all that moments where you fought just to be with them and what they did was nothing, each time when you went running back to them what they  just Simply pushed you away, but when they came back your heart still wants to be with them but your brain still reminds you about what you have gone through. How can one decide something when their heart gives them reasons to stay and their mind reminds them the reasons that why you should move on and with this conflict between brain and heart, you suffer and you are not in a state of deciding what actually you should do. We all know bad times never let us see the good times which we lived ,our brain focuses only on the bad parts or the pain that the other one has given us so as the human nature is we emphasize more on the pain. When we go through such situations What our brains starts asking us is that no matter how much you were there with that person when they needed you, no matter how much time you have been together but did that person ever made you feel that you deserved something, you deserved support, you deserve love. Instead of this what they made you feel was that you are nothing, the times when you needed them they were never there and then all of these thoughts make you ask yourself what did you do, these thoughts make you feel that after all your efforts u still lost them still they are ready to let go of you and then the worst part comes that you start hating yourself for being good so between your heart and brain you choose yourself and  promise yourself to never be that person again so that there will be no chance of you getting hurt. You want to runaway and start a new life again where no one knows you, you want to give yourself a chance where you do not trust anyone where you do not care for anyone and live alone and you decide to never be the same person whom everyone would love to be with and the one who could be used by anyone or anyone could be with till they want to be there. And with those person going away from your life, you never want to be that person anymore which you were so that you could never ever feel that pain.